It's me! Trying something different
In an attempt at resuscitation
A confession from a disgruntled artist
As many of my friends and acquaintances know, I’ve been struggling recently for the last few months when it comes to enjoying what I’m doing. Normally I would call it seasonal depression, but this has been going on for a few seasons, and I live in the south so that can’t be my excuse.
I am currently going to school for sequential art, which is just a fancy way of saying I draw comics, and minoring in scientific illustration. I love art! I love telling stories! And I love science! But there is always this dull resonance in the back of my mind when I think about any of those things. It got significantly worse about 3 or 4 months ago, when that dull feeling evolved into malice towards everything I was working on. It got to the point where I wanted to quit, to drop out of school with only 20 weeks left to go. It was a nightmare, and it made me depressed with no real way to cure it. I’ve been looking for said cure ever since.
I found the cure… Sort of.
While I would like to point all of my suffering artist friends in the absolute right direction, I simply can’t do that. What happened to me that helped me get out of the worst of this rut came to me out of sheer luck.
During the long break in between quarters, I had the opportunity to go to Japan on a study abroad trip. There it is! I thought, A fix! A fresh start! And I prayed that I was right, that my hopes would become reality.
It was more than a cure, but a sort of reimagining. Everything I sketched I loved, even if it was rough around the edges, even if it was wrong on a technical level, even if it was something I will never show to anybody but me. Everywhere I went, I loved! The people I met, the food I ate, the places I went to and saw. I was overflowing with love. Japan taught me things that upon reflection should be obvious. Love the little things in life is a mantra you find on a rustic wood sign at Hobby Lobby, but nothing has rung truer for me than those Live Laugh Love words of wisdom upon returning to my trip.
As an artist in this fast-paced, electronic world, people often find themselves trying to keep up rather than sit back and enjoy this work that many only dream of doing. Post only this on this time, only draw this, post on this hashtag. It’s a drag. It isn’t fun, and it’s restrictive in every sense of the word. I’ve never been able to find a balance like others have, and I’m learning that’s totally fine. Japan taught me that isn’t necessary. I checked my social media maybe once while I was there, and it was exhilarating. Who knew that being pasted to a phone reading the thoughts of a thousand strangers was kind of bad for you!
All this to say is that if you’re in a rut like I was, breathing some fresh air into your life is a good start to hopefully relieving some of the stress. What that is, is entirely up to you, which makes it so damn difficult. Not everyone can simply fly to a different country and experience it like I was able to. But now I look at the buildings of my own town differently, with a sense of awe.
Wow, I think, Someone built that. And now someone lives in it. Incredible.
Wow, would you look at that BIRD? That bird is making that whole sound! With its whole chest! 10 outta 10! Would recommend this show to my friends!!
And that’s what’s important, finding wonder in everything. Rediscovering that child-like amazement.
What the hell am I talking about
No too sure to be honest. This stream of consciousness is all just a built up to me saying this. I’m starting this as a means to be more open, to continue finding fresh ways to get the creative juices flowing. Shouting into the void in the form of a newsletter is infinitely easier than trying to talk about shit under the guise of a social media post. I always want to talk to people about things I love; stories, horror, the worlds inside my head, but I always feel like a nuisance. This way, I can do it for fun, and if people like it then more power to me!
So, I hope you enjoy my ramblings, my stories, and everything in between!
Since it was so prevalent in this post, my first rounds of thought spewing are going to be about my trip to Japan, so I hope you’ll enjoy that as well.
Below are some artworks of mine, which I’ll be sharing more of as time goes on.
